Pokerface

 Last weekend I had a chat with a longtime friend I've known since college.

She had a feeling from my posts that I wasn't doing so well.

She was right!

We talked about my struggles and she was suprised that this had been going on for years.

She always saw me as the person who had friends, went out, enjoyed herself, had dates,...

Oh how wrong she was. Of course I have a few friends, but not like she meant. 

Going out has never been the case. I haven't been going out (to a party) since I was 19 I think.

Never been on a date - never kissed a real guy.

Of course I didn't have a totally boring life, but 85 % of the time has always been me - at home - with my parents - on my own. 

And of course, that's my own fault. I was the one that decided to stay at home. 

I am the one who didn't call my friends and asked to meet up.

I am the one that cancelled to my friends and with that lost some of them.

I am the one that never went out the explore life.

So now, here I am, almost 31, still alone and lonely and with lots of extra mental health issues build up over the years!

Well done you. Be proud of yourself - NOT!

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